It is important to understand that grieving for a pet is a normal process. We need to give ourselves permission to grieve in order to move on. Getting stuck in grief is dangerous and can lead to depression. Try to express your feelings as much as possible. This is difficult in our society as we are not very good at expressing feelings. If you do not have supportive people around you that you can talk to, there are various support services that can help. The Blue Cross, along with the Society for Companion Animal Studies, run the Pet Bereavement Support Service. They offer a national network of telephone and email befrienders who can help you. You may also find it helpful to write about your pet in my memorials section. Rainbow Bridge Pets have some helpful articles on pet loss and also sell pet coffins, pet caskets, grave markers, pet memorials and sympathy cards. You may also find it helpful to commission a portrait of your pet or have a favourite photo framed.
There are various different recognised stages of grief which may be accompanied by physical signs such as loss of appetite, fatigue, sleeplessness and headaches. Hallucinations, such as seeming to see or hear the dead pet in different places, are also normal. It is important to realise that different people experience grief in different ways. This can cause problems when several people are grieving over the same animal. It may appear to one person that the other feels no grief when they are probably just coping with the loss in a quieter way. However, most people go through the same stages, although some may spend longer on one particular stage.
This is the first response on hearing that your pet has died. This almost always happens, even if the animal was very ill and the death was expected. This stage may last from a few hours to a few days and depends on the character of the person and the circumstances of the death. Once the full impact of the loss is realised and the absence of the pet in the house is fully comprehended, the bereaved person will move on to the next stage.
This can be the most difficult stage with the strongest emotions. The bereaved person will need good support from friends and family members. Anger is a common emotion experienced within a few days of the death. This may be directed outwardly towards the person perceived to be responsible for the death (e.g. the vet, another family member, driver of the car, God etc.) or may be directed inwardly as guilt. Most people will experience some kind of guilt after the loss of a pet and this can be very hard to deal with. Guilt is very rarely justified but you may wish to talk this through with your vet or a friend who can reassure you that you did not do anything wrong. Depression is also fairly common and may be associated with feelings of guilt. In time, this depression should pass. If it takes a long time, or you feel suicidal, do not hesitate to talk to someone (e.g. a pet bereavement counsellor).
Once you have accepted the reality of your animal's death, you can then move into a different stage of grieving, adjusting to life without your pet. You may now be able to face the possibility of deciding what to do with your pet's belongings and any photos. This can be difficult in a family situation if one person wants to have lots of photos and another cannot bear to be reminded. A good deal of discussion and loving acceptance of different people is required in this situation.
Once you reach this stage, you will be able to look back on your time with your pet and remember all the happy moments you shared without so much pain. The length of time it takes you to reach this stage will depend on the depth of relationship you had and the circumstances of the death. At this stage, you may start to think about getting another pet. Do not make any mistake, no new pet will be able to replace the old one but it can help you to move on and give your love to something else.
Some people find losing a pet so traumatic that they couldn't bear to go through it again. It is important that this decision is respected.
Introduction / Euthanasia / Memorials
